my girl Cayenne

CayenneHere she is, my amazing new little girl, Cayenne! We got her about a week ago, and she is making such a difference in our life already. She’s an American Pit Bull Terrier, and just the sweetest dog I’ve ever met (don’t believe all the hype you hear about pit bulls being evil mean dogs). I fell in love with her the moment we brought her home. She’s been keeping us busy with all the walks that we take her on, along with the school that I’m going through, so blogging has definitely taken a back seat. I have about 150 unread posts in my Google Reader, and I’m afraid they’ll probably just keep adding up.

It’s truly amazing how much happier I’ve been since bringing her home. I feel like she’s helping me heal from my last failed IVF cycle, like she’s filling the void of not having any children. It feels so good to take care of her, and she’s so loving towards us. I also feel more at peace with our decision to put off any more fertility treatments for the next several months. I’m not saying that my desire to have a child is any less, just that I don’t feel as urgent about it. Our time will come eventually, whether it be through IVF, DIUI, or even adoption. In the meantime, I have my girl to take care of.


to pee or not to pee

I broke down tonight and bought a 2 pack of F.irst R.esponse pregnancy tests tonight.  The box has been staring me down, teasing me to rip it open and take the test now now now!!  But I’m strong and holding out.  Although….I may give in to test tomorrow morning, I have yet to decide.  I just don’t know if I can hold out until Friday. I’m eager to get positive results, not so eager for the negative. The good news is that I have arranged for Friday off, so I can either celebrate or wallow in self pity once I get the results.

In other news, I never heard back from the clinic on whether my embryos made it to blastocyst, but I’m guessing they didn’t since we just received our finalized bill in the mail which did not include the cost for cryopreservation. That’s disappointing because I had really expected to have at least a couple to freeze after fertilizing so many embryos. What a waste! I’m a little confused, too, because my clinic said that not many of their patients (about 10%) have embryos that will make it to blastocyst. But I’ve read online much better statistics for other clinics…some even say they wont do a transfer unless it’s a blastocyst transfer! I trust my clinic that they do a good job (they are ranked top 10% in the nation and have a 40% success rate for live birth according to SART statistics), but it just seems like they would have a better rate of growing the embryos to blastocyst. It may have something to do with the culture they use, but of course I’m only guessing since I know very little on how that works. If anyone has any info in this area, please feel free to share.

Okay, so in a completely off topic discussion not related to infertility, Mike and I have decided to get a puppy! We’ve been talking about it for a long time (years actually), and we’ve finally decided it’s time. We’re waiting until after Christmas since we’re flying to California to see my family, but hopefully we’ll have our new puppy in January. It’ll be like a birthday present for me (my birthday is January 8th). We’ve decided on a Labrador Retriever since they are supposed to be really good with children and pretty easy going. Mike wants a chocolate one, although I think they are all cute! We don’t have any pets now, so we’re starting to do some research on how to train a dog and looking into what we need to buy for the house. I know it will be a lot of work, especially in the beginning raising a puppy, but I’m really looking forward to bringing home an addition to the family.

Alright, that’s all I have. I’ll update tomorrow on whether I went through with the test (and of course the results). Although I might need some cheering up if I post negative results, so be prepared with comforting words.

Happy Halloween!

If there were a contest for the cutest pirate, my nephew would win! Check him out at my sister’s blog.

back to real life

I’m back from vacation in California, where I visited my sister Crystal and her husband Joe, and of course my adorable nephew Jack (in the video from my last post).  It was an awesome trip!  My sister and I went to a spa the day after I flew in, where we got a half hour in the sauna and then an hour massage – verrry relaxing indeed!  After the massage, neither Crystal or I wanted to get up from the tables, so we just layed there for a few minutes trying to get up the strength 🙂  On Saturday, we had a party for Jack’s first birthday, where he got a taste of his first ice cream and pumpkin cake.  He was making some hilarious faces!  Every time he took a bite of the ice cream, his face would pucker up from the cold.  He seemed to like it, though.

The day I was supposed to leave (my flight got delayed), I had Jack all to myself for the first part of the day.  Both my sister and her husband had to work, although Crystal was able to take off from work early.  That was the first Jack and I were alone with eachother for an extended period of time, and I have to admit I was a little nervous at first.  I’ve never taken care of a baby, so I know very little on the how tos of it all.  But it’s went well.  We played with blocks – which consisted of me building them and him knocking them down –, I read him a few books, and then we made pancakes together (well, I carried him on my hip while I made pancakes with one hand – I was impressed with myself).  When he was having a hard time napping, I put him in his Ergo baby carrier and went for a walk, which quickly did the trick.  He’s was very good for me, thank goodness!  He’s teething, so there were time when no one would do except for “maaamaa”.  The teething must not have been too bad the morning I had him 🙂

It feels good to be home, where I can sleep on my comfortable pillow top mattress instead of a couch, but I miss my family already.  I think my nephew made me realize more how much time matters.  The last time I saw him was when he was about 6 weeks old, and it’s amazing how much he has grown since then.  He’s starting to take steps on his own, he’s talking a little – he says “mama” and “dada”, and I’ve been trying  (unsuccesfully) to teach him how to say “Aunt Holly” 🙂  It truly amazes me how much personality he has. 


on vacation w/ family

This is the reason why I want children of my own: