my girl Cayenne

CayenneHere she is, my amazing new little girl, Cayenne! We got her about a week ago, and she is making such a difference in our life already. She’s an American Pit Bull Terrier, and just the sweetest dog I’ve ever met (don’t believe all the hype you hear about pit bulls being evil mean dogs). I fell in love with her the moment we brought her home. She’s been keeping us busy with all the walks that we take her on, along with the school that I’m going through, so blogging has definitely taken a back seat. I have about 150 unread posts in my Google Reader, and I’m afraid they’ll probably just keep adding up.

It’s truly amazing how much happier I’ve been since bringing her home. I feel like she’s helping me heal from my last failed IVF cycle, like she’s filling the void of not having any children. It feels so good to take care of her, and she’s so loving towards us. I also feel more at peace with our decision to put off any more fertility treatments for the next several months. I’m not saying that my desire to have a child is any less, just that I don’t feel as urgent about it. Our time will come eventually, whether it be through IVF, DIUI, or even adoption. In the meantime, I have my girl to take care of.

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taking a break

It looks like life has helped Mike and I make our decision for the next step. I’ve been offered a seat in a 3-month class which I will attend in place of work, the same class I was offered back in August before we started our first IVF cycle – which I decided to pull myself out of. Since this is the last time I’ll be offered the class I didn’t think it was wise to pass it up once again, so I told my work to sign me up. So all fertility treatments will be put on hold until this class is over. Although we had already discussed taking a break, I was still torn over the decision of putting treatments on hold for 3 months, but I was able to resolve those feelings. I don’t want fertility treatments to consume our lives, and I can’t allow myself to pass up awesome opportunities that I’ll regret later. 3-6 months seems like a long time to wait to start again, but it’ll give me some time to finish up some things I’ve been putting off.

In the meantime, we’ve decided to try to sell our timeshare in Vegas to pay for the next IVF cycle, pending a good genetics screening of course. We’d been talking about selling it for a while, but are still looking for a good company to sell it through. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. If the next cycle doesn’t work, then we’ll most likely move on to IUI with donor sperm. I just feel like we need to give IVF one more shot, especially since my mind is not yet willing to cross that barrier to using donor sperm. I’m sure I’ll be more open to it later, just not yet.

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In other news, we finally adopted a dog. Her name is Cayenne, and she’s a one year old American Pitt Bull Terrier. She’s so beautiful and sweet! I know Pitt Bulls have terrible reputations for being aggressive and mean dogs, but it’s just not true (unless you train them that way, of course). We adopted her from a shelter where she was taken in as a stray. When we visited with her she was just so sweet – and the only dog in the place that wasn’t barking like crazy! We don’t have her home yet since we just got approved by the shelter and she has to go to the vet to be spayed before we can pick her up, but it shouldn’t be more than a few more days now. I’m so excited to get her home. I’ll make sure to post pictures soon.

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One last note on the infertility front – I still haven’t had the miscarriage yet. I’m not sure when it’s going to happen, but I feel pretty adamant about having it without the help of meds. I feel like my body should at least be able to miscarry naturally. I don’t really see any harm in waiting it out. Has anyone had any experience with a blighted ovum miscarriage? How long after you found out did you miscarry?  Any information would be helpful.