pass me some morning sickness

I told the first person at work today that I was pregnant. It felt so weird coming out of my mouth. In fact, I have no problem writing in my blog for the entire blogosphere to stumble upon, but I get this strange anxious feeling every time I tell someone in person (in person includes over the phone). I didn’t even want to tell this person at work, but I had to due to Navy specific reasons (I started to explain what Navy specific reasons means, but it was taking too long). Anyway, somehow I feel like I’m jinxing myself by telling people in person. I know that probably sounds extremely strange, since I had no such qualms about writing it in my blog, but it’s different somehow. For instance, for those who read my blog, you understand the heartache that can come with infertility, and that a positive pregnancy test does not necessarily mean a happy ending. But when I tell someone in person, I feel like I have to throw that caveat in there. “Oh, by the way, I’m pregnant, but don’t get too excited because there’s plenty of things that can go wrong”. I know that’s a terrible way to think, but I guess it’s just my way of protecting myself in the end. Expect the worst and be overjoyed by the best, right?

It doesn’t help that I still have yet to experience any symptoms of pregnancy. While I don’t necessarily want morning sickness, I think I would feel a twisted sense of comfort by it. It would be like my baby was saying “hey, I’m here! Pay attention to me!”. But I’ve had nothing. Logically, I know that is perfectly normal. But my emotions are yearning for some damn symptoms! Give me the aversion to food, or the super sore breasts, or yes, even the morning sickness! I can’t wait for my ultrasound in 2 weeks. I’ll feel so much better once I see the heartbeat(s).

On another note, the guy I told at work asked me if I was hoping for a boy or a girl. If he would have asked me that about a year ago, I may have told him one or the other. It’s funny how infertility can change your perspective – it truly comes down to just wanting a healthy baby. Nothing else matters after that.


12 Responses to “pass me some morning sickness”

  1. Twisted Cinderella Says:

    I completely understand those feelings. I just took my second pregnancy test today to make me feel better.

  2. ewokmama Says:

    Yup, I get it, too. You’ll have symptoms in a few weeks, don’t worry!

  3. two peas Says:

    Totally understand where you are coming from… I have my pregnancy test this coming Monday… 3 more days to go…

  4. Erin Says:

    I totally agree… people have asked me if I want a Boy or a Girl. My response? “yes” Because, quite simply, I want a child. A boy. Or a Girl. šŸ™‚

    Also… I have morning sickness. And as much as it sucks…it kinda makes me happy, because it makes it feel more real. Because after nearly 2 years of trying, and especially because of the weird way I found out…. anything to make it feel “real” is good.

    Congratulations… I hope you start feeling sick soon! (LOL…that sounds soooo bad….)

  5. two peas Says:

    My 2ww is over and just had my first beta test… 251!!! Just wanted to share the news with you… I go again in two days for another beta… Thanks for having such a positive energy which I know it made all the difference for me… Can’t wait to hear about your ultrasound… Congrats again

  6. Holly Says:

    two peas – Congratulations!! I’m so happy for you šŸ˜€ Let me know how your second beta goes.

  7. two peas Says:

    Just had my 2nd beta test, 569!!!! I still can’t believe it is actually happening…. Now the 2ww for the ultrasound begins… šŸ™‚

  8. Holly Says:

    two peas – That’s so great! What a good beta number. I have to warn you – the wait for the first ultrasound seems to drag on longer than the 2ww. But at least now you know you’re pregnant!

  9. Idetrorce Says:

    very interesting, but I don’t agree with you

  10. ewokmama Says:

    Idetrorce – what exactly do you disagree with? Your comment doesn’t seem to fit with this post; how can you disagree with someone’s experience?

  11. Holly Says:

    ewokmama – thanks for asking the question. I was meaning to ask the same thing of Idetrorce myself, but hadn’t gotten around to it yet.

  12. ashley Says:

    Thank god!! I thought I was the only one so anxious and telling people to not get all excited anout it. I feel better having read this.

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