remaining optimistic

I’m afraid that I’ve finally reached the point where I look at other children, and my eyes start to tear up. I am in no way bitter, I realize that I have a great chance of having a baby, but this whole infertility business does have me slightly worried. I am remaining optimistic, because I’ve read so many success stories that I know that it can happen for me, but I’ve also ready so many sad endings as well.

I received my package for IVF in the mail yesterday, and spent a long while last night pouring through it. There were about 5 or 6 consent forms for all the different procedures, and they also included a long checklist of all the tests I must have prior to orientation and being accepted into the IVF program. I’ve already been through most of the tests, so the next step is to meet with my RE, have them sign off when I had the tests done, and then fax it to the IVF clinic. I have to say, it was scary reading the forms. It was nothing new that I haven’t already read through my research, but it just seems too real now. I’ll post more details of what was included in the package later.

Mike keeps saying that it probably won’t come to IVF, that he’s sure the urologist can fix his problem. And I am keeping hope that it can be fixed, but for some reason I get this feeling like we’re inevitably going to have to go the IVF route. Maybe it’s because from the beginning of trying to get pregnant, I just could not see it happening. So even though it came as a shock when the doctor suggested IVF, there was a small part of that was not shocked at all. It’s as if that small part of me knew it was coming. I did tear up while I was in the office with the doctor (between the times I was laughing, because I have a tendency to do that when I get bad news), and sobs were threatening to escape as I was driving home, but then there was just calm when I got home. There’s nothing I can do to change the fact that we are not going to conceive naturally, so how is crying going to help? I just have to push on, do my research, and prepare myself for what comes next.

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2 Responses to “remaining optimistic”

  1. ewokmama Says:

    I was just thinking about you and hoping you were doing okay emotionally. I hope Mike is right and his issue can be fixed without too much trouble. I feel that things will happen for you; it might just take some more time.

    I actually felt the same way as you do for years before I got pregnant the first time. I just knew something wasn’t going to be right. Besides my issues, Joe had concerns about his fertility because he had an operation when he was a kid and he wasn’t sure if things were all okay. And during that first pregnancy I could not picture it ending in a baby; I just had a feeling that I might miscarry. It all ended okay, but there was a lot of worry and crap before we had Jack.

    Just hang in there. Luckily you have a lot of time and good health insurance. It’s a good sign that Mike has a son, too. And, if you’re anything like me, you DO ovulate, it’s just difficult to pinpoint when.

  2. Holly Says:

    I’m doing okay emotionally for the most part. I do notice myself becoming more sensitive to the topic of parenthood and infertility. It just scares me that there is a even a small chance that this wont happen for us. Logically, I know that we have a very good chance at getting pregnant, but there is still that fear of “what if?”

    I know it worked out great for you and Joe, although it sucks what you guys had to go through to get to this point. I just have to hope that it works out as well for Mike and I in the end. It just drives me crazy waiting for all these tests to be done, and I’m hoping there is some positive news somewhere in there. We just have a few more to go through before we know for a fact whether or not IVF is necessary.


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