dislike of doctors

I spoke with my doctor again today (I had to call her to get her to renew my lab referrals) and I don’t know if I’m imagining it, but every time I talk to her she seems to have a bit of an attitude. It may be the fact that I am biased towards her because of the very first meeting I had with her when she kept on telling me I was too thin, but she just doesn’t seem like all that nice of a lady. I generally have a strong dislike for doctors altogether, and it doesn’t help that I’m having to deal with a rude one while I’m going through one of the most important/sensitive situations in my life so far. Unfortunately, I don’t know if I can switch, and I am so close to getting to the point of taking Clomid. I told Mike that I want him to go with me to my next appointment with her, so he can see if I’m just imagining it. If I still get the same feeling from her, I may request to see a different doctor while I am taking the Clomid. I feel almost uncomfortable asking her questions. I’ve also decided that before I visit her next, I’m going to write down all my questions beforehand, and then just hand her the questions so she can answer each one. I have a tendency to forget questions while I’m in a doctor’s office, especially if I’m not comfortable.

Besides that, tomorrow morning I am officially going to start Provera. I waited so I could time it perfectly for all my tests. I take the Provera for 10 days, then I start my period. 5 days into my period, I am supposed to have my hormones tested. Within 2 weeks of my period, I have to get the HSG done. I read a blog last night that talked about the procedure, and I guess it can be very painful for some people (some said worse than child birth). Mike asked me if I still wanted to do this after reading the horror stories last night, and while I am a little nervous, I am determined to get this part over with. I am hoping that if everything goes well, I will start Clomid in a month, and be pregnant within the next 3 months. I know that’s probably the best case scenario, but that’s what I have to focus on right now. It seems like the more it’s becoming harder to have a baby, the more I want it, maybe because I never thought it would be difficult? Mike tells me not to worry, but I can’t help but be concerned that I might be infertile. I know it’s too soon to be thinking that, but how can those thoughts not cross my mind when I’m having to go through all of this just to simply ovulate? It drives me crazy that women who don’t even want children can get pregnant from one night stands, and yet others who want is so badly have to try to hard. I guess that’s the irony of life, right?


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