57

That’s what my beta came back with today…57.  Can I just say holy shit!  I just can’t believe this is happening.  I am floating in a cloud right now.  I honestly did not think that this would happen for us the first go around.  But it has.  I can say it now.  I am pregnant.   I am pregnant!  Gosh, that feels so good to say.

So I have to admit, I didn’t really need the beta to confirm it for me, but it does feel good.  I woke up this morning, and the first thing I did was take another HPT.  The second line was there again, only darker.  I kept on hugging Mike over and over again, I was so excited.  But I was eager to get the blood test back to confirm it, and to make it more real.

I go in for another beta on Monday to make sure the number is increasing (it’s supposed to double every two days).  This is a little scary, since I know that there is so much that can go wrong at this point.  But I’m just going to keep on thinking positive thoughts and hope that I’m one of the lucky ones.  I have my first ultrasound around December 21st, which I am anxiously waiting for.

Oh, and for those out there who are wondering what symptoms to expect – I’ve had none so far.  There’s nothing I’ve been feeling that would indicate to me that I’m pregnant.  So don’t worry too much if you’re in the 2ww and don’t have any symptoms.  It’s perfectly normal.

could it be?

I tested this morning….a very faint second line showed up.  It’s possible that I am pregnant…

to pee or not to pee

I broke down tonight and bought a 2 pack of F.irst R.esponse pregnancy tests tonight.  The box has been staring me down, teasing me to rip it open and take the test now now now!!  But I’m strong and holding out.  Although….I may give in to test tomorrow morning, I have yet to decide.  I just don’t know if I can hold out until Friday. I’m eager to get positive results, not so eager for the negative. The good news is that I have arranged for Friday off, so I can either celebrate or wallow in self pity once I get the results.

In other news, I never heard back from the clinic on whether my embryos made it to blastocyst, but I’m guessing they didn’t since we just received our finalized bill in the mail which did not include the cost for cryopreservation. That’s disappointing because I had really expected to have at least a couple to freeze after fertilizing so many embryos. What a waste! I’m a little confused, too, because my clinic said that not many of their patients (about 10%) have embryos that will make it to blastocyst. But I’ve read online much better statistics for other clinics…some even say they wont do a transfer unless it’s a blastocyst transfer! I trust my clinic that they do a good job (they are ranked top 10% in the nation and have a 40% success rate for live birth according to SART statistics), but it just seems like they would have a better rate of growing the embryos to blastocyst. It may have something to do with the culture they use, but of course I’m only guessing since I know very little on how that works. If anyone has any info in this area, please feel free to share.

Okay, so in a completely off topic discussion not related to infertility, Mike and I have decided to get a puppy! We’ve been talking about it for a long time (years actually), and we’ve finally decided it’s time. We’re waiting until after Christmas since we’re flying to California to see my family, but hopefully we’ll have our new puppy in January. It’ll be like a birthday present for me (my birthday is January 8th). We’ve decided on a Labrador Retriever since they are supposed to be really good with children and pretty easy going. Mike wants a chocolate one, although I think they are all cute! We don’t have any pets now, so we’re starting to do some research on how to train a dog and looking into what we need to buy for the house. I know it will be a lot of work, especially in the beginning raising a puppy, but I’m really looking forward to bringing home an addition to the family.

Alright, that’s all I have. I’ll update tomorrow on whether I went through with the test (and of course the results). Although I might need some cheering up if I post negative results, so be prepared with comforting words.

5 days to go

and I’ve changed my mind…I’m going to test at home before the official test with the lab. I thought about it, and I’ve decided that I would rather know the results prior to receiving a call from the IVF clinic. If the results are negative, so be it, but I just don’t want to find out for the first time over the phone. I’m even considering taking the day off of work so I can either sulk or celebrate when I find out. If the test is negative, I am certainly not going to feel like being around anyone that day. And if the test is positive, I don’t want to have to contain my excitement, since I don’t plan on telling anyone at work until probably after the first two months.

So far I’ve had no pregnancy symptoms…not that I would really expect any this soon. In fact, I’m surprised that so many other women say they have symptoms during the first two weeks. I’ve always heard that you usually don’t feel anything until the 2nd month or so. Still, I find it reassuring when I read other women’s blogs who say they had no symptoms and had a BFP.

Despite the lack of symptoms, I’m actually starting to believe this could happen…I can see me being pregnant and being a mom. I imagine my pregnant belly, and buying maternity clothes, and planning the birth. Before I could never imagine it, therefore I thought it could never happen for me. Now that I can see it, it scares me even more that I might receive bad news this Friday.

good fortune

Mike and I went out for Chinese food tonight, and got these these fortunes in our cookies. Think it could mean something?

aren’t they cute?

It took me a while to figure out how to edit this picture to cut my name out of the picture (sorry, I only want my first name attached to this blog), but I finally figured it out. If you notice that the embryos look different, it’s because the embryo on the right is a little more “grown up” than the one on the left. The doc explained that this is because the cells start to compact, usually by the end of the 3rd day.

Everything is still going well. Any day now, the embryos might implant – it usually happens 6-10 days after ovulation. I’m still feeling really bloated (at least a pant size), and am feeling tired all the time. I’m not sure how much of that has to do with the retrieval and how much has to do with the progesterone in oil injections. I’m starting to wonder if it’s normal to be this bloated this long after retrieval. If it continues, I may call the doctor to see if anything might be wrong. There’s been no pain, though, so I don’t see a reason to bother them yet. I’ll give it until after the holiday weekend and see if things improve.

I’m really trying not to be too anxious waiting for the results, and so far I think I’m doing pretty good. I’ve decided (for now) that I’m not going to take a home pregnancy test before the blood test. I feel like I’d just rather find out the more accurate results from the doctor than be pacing the day or two before convincing myself to look at the results on the stick. Who knows though, by next Thursday I may change my mind when I’m going crazy wanting to know.

embryo transfer

It’s done…my little embryos are inside of me now. And they are the most adorable little embryos! I had two transferred, which is what I expected all along, and it was all very simple. We arrived at the hospital a little before 8:30 this morning, and were out of there around 9:45. Before the transfer, the doctor went over everything with us, including the grades of our embryos, how many to transfer, and cryopreservation of the other embryos.

As far as the grades go, I had the following:

Grade 1: 0
Grade 2: 3
Grade 3: 7
Grade 4: 1
Grade 5: 2

Grade 1 is the best quality, and Grade 5 means that the embryos are no longer viable. Grades have nothing to do with how well the baby will turn out, it just has to do with the possibility that the embryos will implant. As you can see, we had 3 Grade 2 embryos, 2 of which we had transferred today. So we have 9 embryos still left, which the lab is going to try to grow to blastocyst and freeze. I suppose we’ll get a phone call on Wednesday to let us know if any made it, and it’ll cost us about $500 to freeze them. The doc said that there is a 90% attrition rate, so that means only 10% of embryos usually make it to blastocyst, which means we may have 1 make it to freeze. That’s not as good as I’d hoped for, but I’m grateful for what we have. But he also said that they are very particular about which embryos to cryopreserve, and that there is a 95% thaw rate, which is pretty awesome. I’ve read that thaw rate at some places can be as low as 50%, which is why I was a little hesitant when he originally said there might only be 1 embryo to freeze. But he assured me that it was worth it.

After all that, Mike and I went into the OR, where I of course had to get up onto the table and into the stirrups (it’s becoming a very familiar position). My bladder was uncomfortably full, so I was really hoping there wouldn’t be any type of “accident” – that would have been extremely embarrassing! To the right of me, I had a screen where they displayed my embryos so I can see them being put into the catheter, and to my left was the ultrasound screen where I could see the embryos going in. The doc did a little test run to make sure he knew where he was going, and then they brought the catheter with my embryos loaded in and voila! they were transferred. I tried to watch on the ultrasound screen, but I could not see a damn thing! They even printed out a little picture for me, but except for the arrow on the screen, I see nothing. I guess I don’t have the trained eye.

Afterwards, they rolled me back into a private room, where I was ordered to remain laying down for 20 minutes. It was a very long 20 minutes, since my bladder was about to explode by the time I went to the bathroom. But I made it, and now I’m home again, laying down for the rest of the day…giving motivational speeches to my embryos to please implant, please implant! I go in for a pregnancy test on the 30th, so I guess this is the start of the dreaded 2 week wait.

when I get bored…

I change the look of my blog We’ll see how long this one sticks…

miscellaneous

I had my first outing today since the surgery on Friday, and now I’m not feeling so hot. I woke up this morning feeling much of the tenderness gone, so I decided it was a good idea to go get some lunch and do some grocery shopping. But the jarring feeling of walking made my abdomen feel very uncomfortable, and I had to walk sort of hunched over so I didn’t feel too much pressure. Plus, the outing made me incredibly tired. I really don’t understand how they tell people that they should be able to go back to work within 24 hours. I’m feeling very grateful that I had the weekend to recover. It’s not excruciating pain, it’s just discomfort, but enough to make me want to just lay around the house and sleep all day.

Other than that, everything is going well. I bought a thermometer today to keep a watch out for a fever in case I start getting symptoms of OHSS. I also tried to buy a scale, since one of the symptoms is excessive weight gain, but a search of Wal Mart yielded nothing! It’s probably for the best – I don’t really like having a scale in the house. I’m the type that would have to weigh myself every time I saw the damn thing, and I don’t really want to know my weight after all these medications I’ve been taking for the past few weeks. Anyway, I’ve been staying very hydrated, drinking a ton of water – it’s the only thing I can find that says it helps with OHSS – enough that I can’t sleep through the night anymore without having to pee. I guess I’m just getting prepared for what it’ll be like when I’m pregnant, right?

I’ve started taking my progesterone in oil injections, which are not bad at all. I thought I might have a similar experience with the limping as I did with the HSG shot, but so far it’s just a little sore. Mike’s getting good at giving the shots, and I’ve learned that it’s best to lay down on my side while he gives it. This helps relax the muscles more than sitting or standing does. After he gives me the injection, I massage the area for a while, and the first night I put a warm towel on it. I don’t really know if it helps or not, but since I’m not feeling any pain, I’ll stick with it.

Okay, that’s enough of my ramblings. Hopefully I’ll have a post with interesting content tomorrow, after my transfer – unless, cross your fingers – it gets rescheduled for a blastocyst transfer!

they’ve been fertilized

The doctor called me this morning with the results…Of the 24 eggs retrieved, 16 were mature, and 13 fertilized!!  She said to be there at 8:30 Monday morning for the transfer, but that I may be sent home for a Wednesday transfer if they think they’ll make it to blastocyst.  I’m so incredibly excited,  I can’t wait until Monday!  Pretty soon, I may have a baby growing inside me