Urologist update

Mike had his urologist appointment on Monday, and we now have a few theories from the doctor.

• Thoery #1: It could be varicoceles, which is a very common problem in men testing for infertility. The doctor said that if that’s the case, surgery can be performed which improves the sperm count 70% of the time.
• Theory #2: His sperm count could be low because he got really sick back in February. High fevers can kill the sperm, and it can take awhile for them to build back up. The first semen analysis had a count of 800,000 sperm, and the second test came back with 1.4 million. The urologist said that it is a good sign that there was an increase (although slight), but he’s doubting this theory because of the extremely low sperm count.
• Theory #3: There is a possibility that Mike has a cyst on one of his testicles. The urologist saw a small bump, but is unsure if it’s a cyst. Mike has an ultrasound later this month that will tell us for sure.

The ultrasound should help narrow down if not determine the problem, so we’re both looking forward to that appointment. We’re trying not to think too much in to any of the theories, because that’s all they are right now. We won’t know anything for sure until a few more weeks.

Other than that, I have my saline sonogram, also called a hysterosonogram, scheduled for this coming Monday. At first I wasn’t sure what the difference was between an HSG and a saline sonogram, but I guess the saline sonogram is able to tell if there is any damage to the uterus, while the HSG is mainly used to see if everything is shaped and flowing correctly. I’m crossing my fingers that everything will come out normal.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering why it’s been awhile since I posted, I was stuck down in Virginia, working 12 hour shifts, with very little access to the internet. It was truly the worst trip I’ve ever been on. To sum it up, I had a cockroach crawl on my face in bed. I think that says it all. I can honestly say that if I never go back to Virginia, I will not be disappointed.

a little bitch session

I mentioned to Mike recently how we need to eventually do something about our washer that keeps on ruining our clothes (we think it has rust in it and it’s out of pure laziness that we do not get rid of it – we have an extra one that works perfectly fine sitting in the back room of our basement) and I mentioned that I’m going to have to go clothes shopping soon if any more of my clothes come out with stains all over them. A thought flitted across my mind of “you’re trying to get pregnant, why would you buy more clothes” before it was quickly replaced by “you might as well, it’s going to be awhile before you get pregnant.”

This reminded me of how much I have put portions of my life on hold when Mike and I first decided to try to get pregnant. Let’s see…I stopped eating fish, stopped drinking alcohol, cut back on coffee, and have had to convince myself to buy new clothes. The first couple of months I was pretty strict with myself keeping to the new regimen, then slowly, every month, I’ve relaxed more and more on these requirements. And now…I’ve given up on them.

In my attempt to look at the positive aspects of mine and Mike’s infertility ordeal, I’ve come to the realization that it’s almost liberating knowing that the months that we can actually try to get pregnant are going to be scheduled. I can eat and drink anything I want without being concerned that I’m going to get pregnant and hurt the baby by not staying away from these “taboo” items. I can have 4 or 5 or even 6 cups of coffee, and not have to think “oh, what if I’m pregnant?” (not to say that is healthy for me, but you know what I mean). I can go to Atlantic City for the weekend and get totally sloshed. Because I know that in order to get pregnant, a fucking miracle would have to occur without medical intervention. See, positive thinking…

A woman I work with showed me a scrapbook she had put together for her husband for father’s day. I thought it was so sweet, but I had to fight back tears. I hate this. I do not like being a dramatic person, and I feel like that is exactly what I am doing. I’ve read other people’s stories of infertility, and theirs is much more devastating than mine. I know there is still hope in my case. It’s not as if we’ve been trying for years to have a baby, and tried everything. We haven’t even begun trying (well, not medically anyway).

I feel hopeful, I feel frustrated, I feel sad all in one. Some days are better than others. My friend called me the other day and asked me if I am pregnant yet – I haven’t told her the news. She started making jokes about giving me her eggs. I just didn’t want to turn the conversation into this dreary thing…so I just laughed. She then told me that our friend Heather is pregnant – by accident. I jokingly said “that bitch”…but I was only half-joking. I’m just tired of hearing about all these women getting pregnant from one night stands, or because they forgot to use a condom that one time. It’s just too much. Why does it seem like the people who really want children have such a hard time, and the people who don’t even care are getting pregnant so easily? For as many infertility stories I’ve heard, I’ve heard just as many of the one-night stand stories. And if I were to say all of this to someone without infertility problems, guess what I would probably hear? “Just relax!”

quick update

This is going to be quick, cause it’s late and I’m tired, but I figured I’d give an update…

It turns out that I didn’t have a choice in going on the trip after all, so I’m leaving this weekend down to Virginia. I’ve been rushing around at work setting everything up, and also trying to hurry and get some of my college work done before I leave. I’ll be working long shifts when I go down, about 12 hours a day straight through, so it’s going to be rough. It worked out with the urologist though, Mike did not have to cancel. The urologist would have liked to see us both to talk to us about our options, and possibly put me through a few more tests, but it’s not absolutely necessary for me to be there. If I need more tests, he’ll just put me in for them and I’ll take them when I return. I would have really liked to go, but the most important thing is that we didn’t have to reschedule for a later appointment.

In other news, I talked with the consultant for IVF, and she scheduled me for a saline sonogram. I have it scheduled for when I get back from my trip. I’ve done a little research, and it sounds pretty simple, but if anyone has any experience with it, please post and fill me in. I’m still holding off on the IVF orientation until we hear more from the urologist, because we’d have to pay about $400 up front at the orientation. Don’t want to jump the gun…

remaining optimistic

I’m afraid that I’ve finally reached the point where I look at other children, and my eyes start to tear up. I am in no way bitter, I realize that I have a great chance of having a baby, but this whole infertility business does have me slightly worried. I am remaining optimistic, because I’ve read so many success stories that I know that it can happen for me, but I’ve also ready so many sad endings as well.

I received my package for IVF in the mail yesterday, and spent a long while last night pouring through it. There were about 5 or 6 consent forms for all the different procedures, and they also included a long checklist of all the tests I must have prior to orientation and being accepted into the IVF program. I’ve already been through most of the tests, so the next step is to meet with my RE, have them sign off when I had the tests done, and then fax it to the IVF clinic. I have to say, it was scary reading the forms. It was nothing new that I haven’t already read through my research, but it just seems too real now. I’ll post more details of what was included in the package later.

Mike keeps saying that it probably won’t come to IVF, that he’s sure the urologist can fix his problem. And I am keeping hope that it can be fixed, but for some reason I get this feeling like we’re inevitably going to have to go the IVF route. Maybe it’s because from the beginning of trying to get pregnant, I just could not see it happening. So even though it came as a shock when the doctor suggested IVF, there was a small part of that was not shocked at all. It’s as if that small part of me knew it was coming. I did tear up while I was in the office with the doctor (between the times I was laughing, because I have a tendency to do that when I get bad news), and sobs were threatening to escape as I was driving home, but then there was just calm when I got home. There’s nothing I can do to change the fact that we are not going to conceive naturally, so how is crying going to help? I just have to push on, do my research, and prepare myself for what comes next.

what to do…

I’m having somewhat of an “inner battle” right now. Before I explain why, I’ll tell you something about myself – I don’t like my personal life interfering with my professional life. I’ve never been one to open up at work, because I prefer to keep a professional relationship with my coworkers. I also do not like feeling like I’m using my personal life as an excuse at work.

Now to the reason for my turmoil. Today, my “boss” (not really, but it’s hard to explain, so it’s easier just to call him that) asked me to go on a work related trip down to Virginia in a few weeks. I said sure, because I couldn’t think of a valid reason to say no. Well, I came home and found out Mike made an appointment with the urologist for right in the middle of my trip. I thought no big deal, I don’t have to be there, right? Wrong. The urologist would like to see us both.

There are several options here. Option A) We can move the appointment, which I really really do not want to do. Option B) I can tell my “boss” that I have an important appointment that will possibly determine if my husband’s infertility can be fixed and I’d rather not go on the trip, which if you read the tidbit about myself above you’ll understand why I’d rather not use this option. And Option C) Just don’t go to the appointment. I mean, how much do they really need me there anyway? What can a urologist do for me? Except that I really really want to go.

Each one of these options sucks in its own way. The first one would delay us finding out something really important about Mike’s infertility by more than a week or so, the second one would violate my rule of not letting my personal life interfere with my professional life, and the third one would mean me missing an appointment that could potentially reveal life changing information regarding the one thing that is most important in my life right now…(A bit dramatic, right?)

So you’re probably still wondering what the big deal is, right? The problem is that the selfish part of me wants to tell work to go screw themselves, that I have personal matters and that takes precedence. But then there is this inner voice that is asking me: “do you really want to focus your whole existence around your infertility?” I mean, isn’t that what I would be doing if I start arranging my life around my infertility appointments? Isn’t it important that I not let this consume me? Shouldn’t I try to maintain a semi-normal existence that is not centered around my infertility problems? So there you have it, my “inner battle”.

Anyone have any advice to offer?

Causes of male infertility

I found this site that gives a brief description of the various reasons for male infertility.  It looks like there are plenty of causes that can be treated with medication or surgery, so there is hope yet!

Recipe of the Day

Mike and I made this the other night and it turned out really good. We use a few shortcuts, such as pre-minced garlic and dried oregano, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference in the taste.

Bacon and Mushroom Pasta

prep: 8 minutes
cook: 22 minutes

4 sliced center cut bacon (we substitute with lean turkey bacon)
1 medium onion, halved lengthwise and thinly sliced crosswise
1 (8-ounce) package presliced fresh baby portobello mushrooms
3 garlic cloves, minced (or 1 tbsp pre-minced jarred garlic)
1 (14.5 ounce) can diced tomatoes with roasted garlic, undrained
1 1/2 tablespoons chopped fresh oregano (or substitute 1 tsp dried oregano or to taste)
1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 (9-ounce) package fresh fettuccine
1/4 cup grated fresh Parmesan cheese

1. Cook bacon in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat until crisp. Remove bacon from pan, reserving 1 tablespoon drippings in pan. Crumble bacon, and set aside. *If using turkey bacon, you will probably have to add about 1 teaspoon of olive oil.

2. Add onion to drippings in pan; saute 3 minutes. Add mushrooms and garlic; saute 4 minutes. Add tomatoes, garlic, balsamic vinegar, pepper, and salt; bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer 5 minutes.

3. While vegetable mixture simmers, cook fettuccine according to package directions, omitting salt and fat (we add a little olive oil so that the noodles do not stick). Drain and add fettuccine to vegetable mixture; toss well. Sprinkle pasta and Parmesan cheese.

Nutrition info:

Per serving (6 servings: 1 cup): Calories: 225 (22% from fat); Protein: 9.3g; Fat: 5.6g (sat 2g); Carbohydrates: 32.7g; Fiber: 2.7g; Cholesterol: 9mg; Iron: 0.8mg; Sodium: 736mg; Calcium: 87mg
**Note: These are only valid without the substitutes I suggested.

diagnosis

Well, I saw the RE this morning, Dr. O. It seems that all my tests turned out fine (except of course for the fact that I’m still not ovulating), but Mike’s 2nd semen analysis results were the same as before – his sperm count is still around 1 million. He’s been referred to the urologist for further testing and to see if maybe it is something that can be fixed. It’s possible he’s just developed a blockage that can be unblocked. Hopefully he’ll get in to see the urologist soon so we can possibly get some answers.

Soooo…they’ve put us on the list for IVF. Dr. O called in the IVF specialist, Dr. L, who told me that our chances of spontaneously conceiving even if I were ovulating are extremely low. Men generally have about a sperm count of 50 million per ejaculation, so 1 million is considered severe male infertility. A couple has approximately a 25% chance of conceiving each cycle if everything is functioning correctly, so I can’t even imagine what percentage we fall into (I’m guessing somewhere between 1-5%, if that). So they’re of course not going to put me on Clomid if there is such a small chance of me getting pregnant. We can’t even go the IUI route because of the low sperm count.

Even though there is still a chance that something can be done about Mike’s low sperm count, Dr. L said that it can take about 2 to 6 months to get in on an IVF cycle, so he put us on the list now. If we do end up doing IVF, he said we’ll have to do a procedure called intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI). Usually with IVF, they extract the egg(s), put the sperm and egg in a dish and let them do their thing to fertilize. Because of the low sperm count, they have to use the ICSI procedure, where they use a needle to inject one sperm directly into the egg. Dr. L said that at my age, there is probably about a 50% success rate. Luckily, because I’m in the military, it will “only” cost us about $5000 per cycle, about $5-$7 thousand less than what it usually costs. Being in the military, all I have to pay for is the lab work, not the doctor’s visit.

I’m still a little in shock that it’s gone this far. I didn’t expect to have this many problems when we first started trying to get pregnant. But of course who does, right? I think I read that about 10-15% of couples who experience infertility problems both have issues, and we just happen to fall within that. It’s shitty. I don’t really know how to explain it in any other way.

So, if anyone has any information on IVF, please feel free to comment and fill me in. I read a lot of infertility sites, but if you have any that are especially good, please point me in the right direction. I’ve only been half-heartedly reading the blogs about IVF because I never expected to have to go that route, but now I guess I have to start doing some research into what to expect.

at home infertility test (for him and her)

I recently saw this article regarding at home infertility testing. To sum it up, basically there is now a test that will sell for about $100 that will test both the male and female for infertility. I think this is so amazing. This test will result in earlier detection of infertility issues, which for older women is sometimes critical. Couples who have been trying for a few months, who would never think to go to the doctor that early, can buy this home test and get quick results. The only downside I see to it is that if the test comes back with positive results, and the trouble is much deeper than it will test for, couples may end up waiting longer to go see the doctor. But overall, this is a very positive step in the infertility world!

just a note

Mike had his appointment this morning for another semen analysis, and I’m seeing my RE tomorrow morning. I’m hoping that she’ll have both his and my results. Crossing my fingers for some good news…